


Good Boy

by DeathjunkE



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexuality, D/s, Fingerfucking, M/M, Marauders' Era, Power Play, Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-01
Updated: 2012-11-01
Packaged: 2017-11-17 13:10:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/551917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeathjunkE/pseuds/DeathjunkE
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s during times like these that I can’t help but to smile. I’ve been his ‘Good boy’ long before Padfoot had ever existed, before I had left behind the cantankerous Most Ancient and Noble House of Black and before the bastard Peter ruined our lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Good Boy

**Author's Note:**

> So anyone remember the r/s kinkmeme ceredinsirius held on LJ a year ago? (http://ceredwensirius.livejournal.com/206827.html?thread=1107691#t1107691)  
> Yeah, well I'm finally De-Anoning and finishing up the fic I started. Why now? Because I can.
> 
> Also, I seem to be incapable of P0rn without plot at the moment so there will be p0rn with plot and a bit of build up.
> 
> another note. this fic is raw. i'll edit it and have it betaed eventually.

“Good boy.”

Those are words I can never get enough of. I turned my face into the soft fabric of his trousers and smile secretively. The only sounds in the room are Remus’ soft breaths and the sound of that antique oak heirloom brush working its way through my hair. His strokes are even and firm, he worked out the snags and tangles ages ago. Right now he’s enjoying the feel of my hair and I’m enjoying the diligent attentions. 

It’s during times like these that I can’t help but to smile. I’ve been his ‘Good boy’ long before Padfoot had ever existed, before I had left behind the cantankerous Most Ancient and Noble House of Black and before the bastard Peter ruined our lives.

 **Part 1**  
It had all started on my first trip on the Hogwarts Express. James and I were looking for a compartment to stay in, far away from my irritating older cousins. 

“Can I help you?”

“Ah, no …sorry.” I closed the compartment door and pressed my back against the door. I gasped for air –I still, to this day, can’t remember holding my breath. I went back to the compartment James was in and walked in on shouting match between James and the kid who I learned later was Snape.

Seeing Remus Lupin for the first time was memorable, but Feeling his hands on me for the first time was unforgettable. It happened one the morning in September. 

As the heir to a pureblood dynasty you tend to get used to certain things, one of them being house elves. Before Hogwarts I was catered to at all times by House elves. While Kreacher served mother and Regulus, his much saner, nicer and gentler sister Beaztie acted as my nursemaid. Beaztie elves chose my clothes, cooked my meals, cleaned up after me, combed my hair and did practically everything for me. Because I never needed to take care of myself before I had never bothered to learn how.

It was the Sunday morning and I was near tears in the mirror with my silver comb tangled in my hair. I hadn’t plaited it as Beaztie had cautioned before bed and I woke up with a knotty impossible mess on my head. When the comb had been captured by the snarls of my hair I began pulling and yanking. I was so engrossed in what I was doing that I didn’t even realize anyone had come into the bathroom until I felt Remus’ hands pull mine away from my head.

Remus bit his lip in what I had thought at the time was concentration as he removed the comb from my tangled hair. We sat on the floor together, Remus behind me exercising his infinite patience as he slowly worked the worst of the knots out with his fingers before wetting the comb and some how managing to disentangle every strand of hair with out yanking pulling or cursing once. 

Never before had anyone treated me with such diligence or care.

I think I fell in love with him at that moment.

I thanked him afterward; some thing wasn’t yet used to. The words were coarse and delicate on my tongue. I hated saying thank you, well I did until Remus smiled at me charmingly and shrugged. 

After that moment I made it my business to see that smile. Pranks, only worked to make Remus smile on occasion. Most of the time he frowned disapprovingly. Remus' disappointed look was more like a crinkle of his brown and a slight pout. While endearing it made my stomach heavy with guilt and the yearning to do better. To be better so that Remus would smile at me again. 

Good grades and clever wit made Remus grin but it wasn’t that same slow satisfied smile that I had gotten that day in the bathroom. 

So I persevered, yearning for what I thought of as _my_ smile.

**Part 2**

At the age of twelve I noticed that Remus was sick more often than he was well. It started small, I would notice that he was pale or looked tired but before long Remus didn’t feel like eating and constantly had aches and pains in his deep in his bones. I tittered to myself wondering what could be wrong, no one told us and we couldn’t find any illnesses in any of the textbooks we looked in but it didn’t stop me from trying to help Remus.

I took it upon myself to look after Remus. 

In the mornings Remus always had problems getting dressed, his limbs never wanted to cooperate with him. They were sore most mornings and his fingers were swollen and stiff. Remus was nothing if not tidy and did his best to look presentable and well put together in the mornings. So I decided that I would help Remus dress in the mornings. 

I took care to wake with Remus, before Peter and James ever got up and todress myself quickly. When Remus was standing under the hot spray of the shower trying to loosen up his stiff limbs I charmed the wrinkles out of his clothes. When He emerged from the bathroom dry and ready to dress I held him steady s that it was easier to put on the black trousers. Remus always tried but could rarely get his shirt on by himself with out swaying with pain so I helped him work his arms into the sleeves and circled around to his front to fasten all of the tiny buttons. I then fixed his tie with quick fingers, and held out the robes that he slipped into.

In the morning I always got a lovely smile and a sweet "Thanks so very much". 

I nodded and went about my morning routine with out looking at Remus again, fearful that he might see the blush that spread across my face every time I was that smile.

In the corridors I made it my business to keep to Remus' heel, just a half step behind him to steady him if he had a dizzy spell or felt weak or catch him should he pass out. James would walk on my other side and Peter walked backward keeping in front of us all but still talking to and watching us as we traveled to and fro.

Remus never ate enough in my opinion so I made sure that he had enough on his plate every time I sat next to him during meals. When Remus' plate cleared of what ever he was eating I made sure that there was more before he turned back to an empty plate. 

At night after we were all showered and hanging around the common room or dorm I would sit on the floor in front of Remus' open legs. Remus would almost unthinkingly summon my hairbrush and comb from the bathroom and while he talked he combed the tangles and stress of the day away then brush my hair until I was asleep with my head in his lap.

With out doubt, I lived for the evenings.

 **Part 3**  
I was thirteen when I had my first wet dream. I was more than a little humiliating. I woke up earlier than usual that day and slipped from under my covers as quietly as I could. When my feet touched the carpet I looked around to see if any of my roommates had stirred knowing that I would never hear the end of it if they knew what happened.

James was still asleep, peter was tucked in behind the heavy canopy drapes and Remus was seated up ramrod straight his amber eyes nearly glowing in the dark as he tracked my movements. I stood completely still, watching Remus as he watched me. Those eerie eyes of his were more frightening than charming when he was awakened form a deep sleep and I couldn’t maintain eye contact for long. Let my eyes wander to the floor and over to my heavy antique trunk where my spare pants and pyjamas were. 

I collected them quickly and shuffled off to the shower. 

While I was under the hot water I beat off to Remus' eyes. 

I fantasized about Remus knowing that I had made a mess of my pants because I was dreaming of him. I rubbed my thumb over the head of my penis when I imagined of his hands touching me the way I remembered from my dreams. I thought of Remus looking at me, watching me, seeing me and only me —loving me. 

**Part 4**  
When I was fourteen it finally sunk into my head what a werewolf was.

A were wolf was the boy who slept in the bed across from mine, who loved sweets, books, gobstones and hated sprouts and looking messy. A were wolf was just another person. A Person who was always fighting the thing inside of him even during his sleeping hours, who woke up sore and aching and wasn’t supposed to eat onions, chocolate or grapes because despite the fact that he was human some of the beast remained in his body.

Remus was a werewolf.

And I admit when he finally admitted to it I was a bit wigged. Of all the things I had thought his sickness and constant need to visit home during the school year meant that was the last one to ever cross my mind. 

Most of the afternoon he avoided James Peter and I.

In the late afternoon Remus sat far from the fire at one of the tables with a book, James saw his chance and came over dragging the sketches of the castle and proto type map behind him. At Dinner Peter asked Remus if he wanted the last of the devil's food cake.

Later that night when Remus was sitting on his bed I got my brush and sat cross-legged on the floor with my back against the frame and box spring. I tipped my head back to look up at Remus and handed him the brush. I sat still for over an hour as Remus pulled the brush through my hair.

Once he was done and I was just a moment from sleep I stood up and climbed onto the bed with Remus. I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed tightly. He was still Remus no matter what and he just had to know that I knew that too.

"You've got me, Rem." I pulled back slightly and pressed a kiss to his cheek. It was something I had seen other people do when they comforted a person that was important to them but never had done my self. "You always have and you always will." 

"You know, I think you might just be my best friend." Remus mutterd with his face pressed into my shoulder.

"I'm yours. I promise."

 

**Part 5**

I was coming from the locker room after a match when I saw Remus sitting in the grass necking with that tart Amelia Bones behind the bleachers. At fifteen emotions ran high and jealousy was quick to rear its head. I decided that if I couldn’t have Remus no one could. I made it my mission in life to chase off every girl that gave Remus the eye. 

It worked pretty well for a while, when Remus chatted up a girl for longer than I thought proper I subtlety charmed the little wench away from him and would convince her that dropping her knickers for me was the better option. I would do anything to keep those harpies away from Remus.

My plan didn't work out the way I wanted it too.

James crowed that I was a ladies man. Peter called me a tart. McGonagall gave me disapproving stare and the girls circled me like sharks flashing coy smiles like deadly grins. That was all fine and well. I didn’t really care all that much what they thought but I was heart broken by the cold looks and acerbic comments I got after Remus caught me an empty classroom or broom closet with the flavor of the week. Now that I look back on it I think I was subconsciously going places where Remus would walk in on me mid shag. 

On the mornings after he caught me with the girls I would wake up to a showered and dressed Remus. His uniform would be sloppy; shirt hanging out of his pants in the back, a few buttons undone and his tie no where to be found. I knew it grated on Remus to be unable to dress himself to his usually fastidious appearance but those mornings he wouldn’t allow me to help him. 

The evenings were worse; Remus would still sit and brush out my hair for me with the same care and diligence. I sat with my head in his lap feeling like the most selfish and vile person in the word.

The guilt had rendered me restless and I just couldn’t settle down to sleep night when everyone was asleep I scoured the textbooks as I often did looking for things about lycanthropy. I didn’t find many things, and nothing that was true anyway. But I did some thinking on a passage I read.

_If you live through a werewolf attack the chances are you have also contracted the curse. Humans who have been tainted with the saliva of a were wolf then become wolves them selves._

That one line spurred me into action. How could you be a wolf if you were something else? I snatched James' cloak from his trunk and ran as if possessed down the steps and through to the library's restricted section.

Seventeen books and a week of detention later, I had the answer.  
To be safe and help Remus we would need to be Animagi.

James and Peter took to the idea right away and for months we poured over books and charts figuring out the process and working through it to find out what we would become. 

Between research, pranking and classes I was so tangled up that I didn’t have much time to play the distraction. Despite being stretched thin I woke up every morning early to dress Remus and get his books for the day sorted out and into his bag.

Remus was calmer those days. He said it was because he was presentable and ready for the day, but I knew better. I just smiled and kissed his cheek before carrying on with my morning routine.

James was the first to find his animal. He found it some time in December while napping on Hagrid's back porch in the sun. He sat up, yawned and then declared that he knew just what his animal was.

I was envious. After all, it was my idea to become an Animagus. I had read everything at least three times and worked on the meditational exercises until I was lost in my head and James takes a nap and get the answer to the pressing dilemma? Of course I was angry and jealous but I tried not to show it. 

Instead of being my usual snide and sarcastic self because I felt out of depth I took a step back from the research and the books and focused on Remus. It wasn’t too hard to do. I liked doing things for Remus. 

I started showering in the evenings before bed. Getting in the bathroom moments before Remus would. I washed my own body and then when Remus had entered I offered too scrub his back. He never said yes but I did so anyway and reveled in the light and pleasurable moans he gave. 

It went on for a few days before Remus turned to me when I was in the middle of soaping his shoulder blades. He watched me through narrowed golden eyes and I shifted back a bit, doing my best to forget about my erection and will it away at the very same time.

"Sirius," I just nodded, unable to speak. "Give me the wash cloth and turn around."

I froze for just a moment, afraid that he would be weirded out by the whole thing and kick me out of the bathroom or worse ignore me. 

"Sirius." Remus called my name once more his voice still frightfully calm. I did as instructed and was surprised to find my self pulled against Remus. We stood back to chest as he wrapped his arms around my waist and moved his hands covered in soap across my chest and stomach in slow soothing circles. He shampooed my hair and then rinsed it with his usual care before he returned to my body petting and touching as the hot water poured over us.

I was putty in his hands. Remus' touch was firm, gentle and made me feel wanted like I never had before. I let my head lull back against his shoulder and luxuriated in his touch. Not once did his hands drift to my cock that blushed pink and stood up for him, ever hopeful. 

When we were clean and both ridiculously hard (well at least I was) I left the steamy shower stall to retrieve Remus' towel. I stood not a foot away and patted his body dry with all the care I could.

Remus smiled for me and pressed his lips against mine before he left to our dorm room.

When he got there he would find his bed turned down and his pyjama pants laid out on his bed, courtesy of yours truly. I knew even then that I would do anything for Remus, any thing I possibly could. And if turn down service was what I could provide, it was what I would do. After all Remus was important. 

Remus liked me even if he didn’t ever say it. He sat with me in the hospital wing when ever I was on the wrong side of some one's wand of just under the weather. Remus also would snatch extra apple from the breakfast table for me to snack on during class and was patient with me even when I was at my worst.

I was as good as I knew how to be, just for him.

*

Peter transformed in February when he was working up the nerve to ask out Gertrude Bigamies. Remus, James and I all laughed at him good naturedly but I was Remus who gave him a shove and said; "Are you man or mouse, Petey!"

And just like that he changed shirking and changing until a great brown rat was squeaking madly and trying to dart up James pant leg.

Again, I was irritated with my inability to grasp the mechanics and magic of the transformation. This time I grumbled and isolated my self, only appearing from my seclusion of my evening hair brushing. I could tell Remus wanted to interrogate me but he didn’t and I appreciated it far more than he knew.

In April Remus was talking to Gideon Prewett, an older bloke from the graduating class openly gay. He and Remus laughed and chatted easily as they walked side by side. I couldn’t help but glower from my half step behind and wish that Prewett was out of the picture.

I got Gideon out the best way —the only way, I knew how.

*  
Gideon was a power fuck. He was built like a dragon; all muscle, masculinity and freckles. I didn’t know what to do with that much man, but he sure as hell knew what to do with me.

I was bent over an old oak desk braced firmly while Gideon kissed my tailbone and slid to his knees. His hands were large and his thumbs were calloused and rough as they held my arse cheeks open to expose me in the most shameful way possible. I felt a puff of warm air and then something slick and warm came into contact with the pucker of my anus.

As my subconscious (or Karma) dictated Remus strolled in to the class at that moment, holding the prototype map in one hand and clenching his wand in the other. Remus' Brilliantly gold eyes looked a second from feral and were too wolfish at that moment.

"Gideon, get off of him please." Still Remus was infuriatingly polite, with a level voice. Gideon jumped up to his feet wide eyed and frazzled, clearly not expecting to have been found and ducked out of the door.

I stayed in position. My hands planted on the desk, arms braced, arse out and Trousers around my ankles. I couldn’t maintain eye contact and dropped my gaze to the floor. 

"And here I was, thinking to only ever went for the ladies," Remus flicked his wand at the door making sure it wasn’t accessible. Remus' plush and chapped lips were on the side of my neck, sucking and biting. "You really are trying my patience."

"Remus." I moaned as he sucked one area particularly hard. 

Remus didn’t say another word. He just walked around the table and draped himself over my body continuing to bite, nibble and suck on my neck. I didn’t mind that much, it was hot. 

What irritated me was the face that other than those kisses he didn't touch me. I pushed my hips back to clue him into what I wanted but Remus onlychuckled and moved to the next bit of skin on my neck laving it with attention.

"Rem, I-"

"Hush."

In the end I followed Remus back to our dorm painfully hard, blushing scarlet, with a collar of mottled red-purple hickies around my neck. Remus had laced his finger through my own leading the way and that's when I saw what animal I was.

I bowed my head and accepted it with grace because in truth; a dog without a master is a pitiful thing.

**Part 6**

Remus didn’t help Snape down from the tree. He pretended he couldn’t see anything that happened and walked away. I knew he was pissed off with us. Remus had all but begged James and I not to do it, but we still did.

Snivellous was just asking for it. I had agreed with James opinion that Snape was mouthy little slime ball that didn’t know his place and couldn’t keep his obscenely large shnoz out of our business. I didn’t feel bad at all, hell I didn’t even hex him, that was all James but I admit I loved every second of it. —Well I did until James had divested him of his pants. As if it wasn’t enough that he had the inheritance mark of the Wise and Revered House of Prince on his left arse cheek, the little twat was well hung even pissed off and half terrified. 

I closed my eyes and puffed out breath. I could already hear the howlers from Mother ranting about me alienating and humiliating a member of one of the Noble Houses and see the angry penmanship of Auntie Dorea shaming me about my uncompassionate actions. James was still mocking Snivellous when I eventually walked away, not keen on getting detention for something that was totally James' doing.

I quietly slipped into my dog skin and shook out my fur. I ambled past McGonagall as Padfoot and was completely ignored as she made her way down towards the lake bellowing at the crowd. I decided to trot in the opposite direction into the castle. With Remus Mad, James being hauled up to the Headmaster's office with Peter and all my homework done there wasn’t much I felt like doing. 

I curled up in the back of an alcove behind a suit of amour and decided a nap would be the best way to kill some time.

*

"—Because you were oh so much help today!" 

I grumbled a bit at the voice that was impinging on my nap swiveled my ears a bit. With the inner ear closed I was able to filter out several sounds, one of the many the joys of being a dog.

"Look I said I was sorry, I know it was wrong." I knew the moment I heard that hoarse quiet voice that it was Remus. It seemed that even as a dog I snapped to attention at his voice because I don’t ever remember getting to my feet but at some point I had. "I should have said something to them. They shouldn’t have one that to you, it was unfair and I'm sorry."

"Sorry is good and well, but it doesn’t fix a damn thing."

For the sake of not alerting Remus to my eavesdropping I held back the snarl that rumbled in my chest once I realized whom he was talking to. I peered out of the alcove into the corridor, Snivellous crossed his arms and leaned heavily against the wall his long greasy hair covering most of his face Remus was barely more than a foot away from him his hands in his pockets and his head tipped back a bit. 

"What can I do to fix it?" I could smell Remus' upset strongly and licked my chops shifting, agitatedly. I couldn’t think of a reason for Remus to be distressed over Snape. Not until he rested a hand on the bastard's shoulder and leaning in just a bit. "Is there any thing I can do?"

There was No way I could allow this to go on.

"Nothing, there's absolutely nothing you can do. She's never going to speak to me again, I've just been exposed as a halfling from a noble house and there are pictures of my bits circulating the school. I've got enough to worry about with out adding you to the mix." 

"Severus," Remus licked his lips nervously and rolled his shoulders. "Look if you ever happen to not hate me again, —which is to say I completely understand if you always do "

I had had just about enough of that and left my post shifting into my natural shape and striding down the hall purposefully. "Remus!" I called cheerfully and threw an arm over his shoulder and discreetly pulled him back a foot or two. 

"Not now, Sirius." 

"What it’s a bad time or something?" I glowered at the slimy bastard hoping that he'd to slip away and leave us alone. "You know I never took you for a size queen, Moony."

I thought Remus would push me off, snort, turn red, punch me or maybe even give me a withering look or some thing to that effect. The list of all the things I expected from Remus did not include him reaching up, gripping the back of my neck tightly and guiding me to my knees with an uncompromising hand, but he did it anyway. 

I hadn’t tried to fight it, I couldn’t even if I wanted to. The minute his fingertips touched my skin I was under his control. knowing that didn’t stop me from blushing lobster red in embarrassment. I was kneeling, seated on my heels at Remus' feet. The light pressure of his fingertips resting on the crown of my head was a silent reminder that I had annoyed him and not to move.

I kept my eyes on the floor and grit my teeth. It grated that I was in disgrace and that Remus would do this here and now, with Snape watching. 

"Severus, again, I'm sorry."

"Whatever, Just keep track of your imbeciles from now on." I heard Snape storm off more than anything else. I was surprised that I didn’t suffer more of the little git's sharp tongue. 

"Would you like to tell my why you felt it necessary to listen in on, and interrupt a private conversation?" I had the good sense to stay silent and still. "Let's go."

I fell into step behind Remus and followed him back o the dorms. According to one of the many grandfather clocks that lined the west corridor it was a quarter to nine. So I didn’t think anything of it when Remus bypassed the Common Room and went straight up to the dorms.

The room we all shared was empty; James and Peter were off serving the first day of three months detention and probation. Remus stripped off in the center of the room not caring in the least as he dropped his clothes on the floor, meaning they were ready for the laundry. I picked up Remus' clothes before stripping off my own and dropping the lot of it into the laundry basket.

We showered quickly, Remus wouldn’t allow me to scrub his back or wash his hair. When I tried to soap up my own body he snatched the soap from my hands and continued to pretend I wasn’t there.

I was frustrated and more than a little irate.

"What? Can't I shower too?" I snapped, "Give me the damn soap."

Remus, being Remus, ignored me.

I threw up my hands and huffed, before planting my hands on my hips and continuing my rant. "What is it Remus? I don’t understand what's got you in such a huff, okay so James pants Snivelly. I get that you didn’t like that but I wasn’t the one who did it! And then I just go to say hello to you and you're angry. I didn’t do any thing for you to be upset about— get over yourself…" 

I don’t know how long I continued griping for but Remus ignored me in favor of washing his body, his hair and even lingering under the spray for a few minutes. When he was ready and I was about to throw a fit at being ignored, Remus snagged me by the crook of the elbow and pulled me to him. 

"Don’t move." I opened my mouth ready to snap at him but before I could get a word out Remus tapped my thigh lightly with his fingertips and raised an eyebrow. I closed my mouth and let out a short puff to get my point across. "Hush, don’t you give me that."

I stood still and quiet hands on my hips as Remus circled around me. I couldn’t see what he was doing, but I heard it all. He squirted some shampoo in his hands and quietly lathered up my hair scratching my scalp lightly and making me want to throw my head back and moan. Remus' fingers were slow firm and deliberate, he took his time and then guided the water through my hair and away from my eyes. Remus pulled his hands away and after a moment they worked their way through my hair and to my scalp once more. 

Remus came back around to my front and ran his eyes up and down my body. I pulled myself up straighter and shifted my stance a bit so that my feet were aligned with my shoulders. With a small smile Remus took my wrist in his hands and positioned my hands behind my head. Immediately I laced my fingers together knowing that he wanted my to keep them there. At that point I wasn’t sure if this was sexual or not but it didn’t stop me from getting half hard.

"I don’t want you to talk, just listen, understand?" 

I kept my mouth shut and watched as he rubbed the bar of soap on a washcloth working up suds. 

"Very good." he praised, and began to wash me, starting and slowly traveling up my legs. "Sirius, I know you don’t like Snape, that's fine. You don’t have to like him and I will never ask that of you. All I ask is that you give him some rest. Stop hexing him, stop the teasing just walk past and pretend you don’t see him. Things are hard for every one, but I'm thinking they're a bit brutal for him right now." Now he was working the cloth over my chest and stomach, taking the opportunity to pinch my nipples and finger my navel. "For me alright?"

I concentrated on the warmth and presence of Remus' hands as he soaped my shoulders and arms. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, Remus was touching me, and that was always good but this felt wrong. Why were we naked in there talking about that lousy shit Snape is something I'll never understand but that's what happened.

"Alright, I'll let him alone for a while." When I answered while Remus was washing my delicate bits. My breath got short and strained when Remus gently rolled my foreskin back and gently cleaned the head of cock as if it was is own, with out hesitation or timidity. "Though I don’t see why? Its not like —"

"Bend over, hands on the floor." The command trampled over my words. As always I followed Remus' instruction. It was uncomfortable to say the least the water kept rolling up my back and onto my face, I could feel the muscles in my legs twinge and I the acute shame of being fully exposed made me blush a heavy red. I knew what kind of picture I presented, my arse high up and spread because of my position, the pucker of my anus was fully in sight and it was overall mortifying.

Remus paid no heed to my humiliation and proceeded to soap the crack of my ass with the wash cloth before abandoning it entirely and tapping the little hole with a finger. "Now, now, Sirius. You and I both know you are too jealous for your own good."

"I'm not jealous. I don’t do jealous— IPE!" I yelped and rocked forward slightly. My yelp had drowned the sound of the thunderous smack Remus bestowed upon my arse. "Don’t lie. "

"That's more than a bit hypocritical coming fro — FUCK! OW!" Two more sharp hits landed and I cringed, hating the pain just as much as I hated the fact that I had pissed Remus off enough that he started swatting me. "Right, no lying."

"Right." Remus went back to tapping and I couldn’t help but to squirm a bit. A muttered "Brace yourself now," was the only warning I got before I could feel Remus' blunt square finger rubbing at my most shameful place, worming his way in bit by bit.

I panted and squirmed and jiggled before I rocked forward in an attempt to escape the strange feeling only to be pulled back into position and poked in a totally foreign way. I was hard and had my cock leaking onto my belly by the time Remus got his finger all the way inside of me. When he started rubbing I damn near lost it. I don’t know what he was doing but there was pleasure so sharp and acute penetrating that I could barely draw a breath. Remus moved his finger again and I was just a moment away from blowing my load.

Remus eased his finger out of me and put his hand on my back, a signal to stand as I had been before. Remus washed his hands and rinsed off my body and hair without further delay.

That night I sat on the floor between Remus' legs with my head resting on his thigh and basked in his gentle ministrations. By the time my hair was dry, brushed through and braided peter and James had come back and found their way into the showers. 

I waited until I felt the tugging of the iron clasp that held the bottom of my braid together to turn to Remus with a sleepy smile. His large chapped hands cradled my face and I wanted as Remus' eyes flashed bright gold.

"Let him alone. I mean it, Sirius." Remus murmured.

"And if I don’t?"

He leaned in close, I could feel his breath on my face, "I'll apply that brush to your stubborn ass." Then for the first time ever Remus pressed his lips against mine.

*

It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Remus, not that there was anything to trust about, we hadn't had sex or even labeled whatever it was we had between us at this point. At some point I got it into my head that he was fucking Snape when I wasn't looking. Consorting with the enemy and all that.

To find out what was going on I followed Remus from a distance. Whenever he met with Snape I was there. Sometimes he knew and I was thoroughly ignored until the evening but I didn’t care, I had to find out what was going on.

I finally did in the library. I loitered behind a bookshelf pretending to be interested in whatever book I was holding up, stretching my hearing as far as I could to eavesdrop.

"How have things been?"

"Same as usual."

"Have you gotten word from your family?"

At that time I knew that Remus and Snape spoke on occasion but I never realized that they were close enough to discuss family. I was privately outraged and hated the idea that they were borderline friends. I pushed some books to the side so that I could see into the study area from where I stood.

"Yes, my grandfather stands by his decision and I'm up shit's creek."

"Aren’t you the only grandchild?"

"I'm the only grandson, all my cousins are girls. Full grown and half of them are infertile."

"Then why can't he just suck it up?"

"My blood's not pure so he wont give a flying fuck if I die on the floor of that fucking hole."

"I'm so sorry."

"S' alright," I saw Snape shrug looking far too unconcerned for someone who just mentioned their own death. "I'm used to it."

Remus reached across the table and covered one of Snivellous' long pale hands with his own. "People are scared of what they can't understand, of the things they cant automatically see."

*

I know it was wrong. Hell I knew back then that it was wrong and possibly the single most horrible thing I could ever do but I couldn’t find it in myself to care at the time. I was far too into my own jealousy to think beyond that scene in the library. I know now that it was just an innocent conversation, but it looked to me, back then, like betrayal. 

All I could think of was removing Snape from the equation. If he saw the wolf he'd be scared and run, and he'd stay away from Remus because as Remus had said , _People are scared of what they can't understand, of the things they cant automatically see_.

I never thought Moony would try to kill him and I never thought that Remus would be in danger of being euthanized. That was what would have happed if James hadn't over heard me taunting and explaining the tree to Snape. In fact I hadn’t even been conscious the possible repercussions until James shouted them in my face just before he gave me a black eye and split lip and dragged me behind him to the dorms.

James called Snape up on the life debt, if he kept this incident between the three of us he'd call it even, Snape hated it but agreed. Then James turned to me and told me that I was to confess to Remus myself, if I didn’t he'd be the one telling Dumbledore about my fuck up. I would have told Remus anyway but I would have probably procrastinated. The threat was why the next morning found me kneeling by Remus' hospital bed, once again in disgrace. 

I sat back on my heels with my back straight, my hands curled tightly into fists in my lap. I didn’t move even when Pomfrey came in to check on Remus and question why I was on the floor instead of a chair. 

It was nearly nine thirty when Remus cracked open his eyes and looked around the room with distaste. When Remus moved an arm I took it as my cue to help him sit up against the mound of pillows.

I reached over and poured a glass of water for him. I knew that this close to waking up that Remus was in no shape to move on his own. I held the cup to his lips and tipped it forward so he could take small sips.

"Thank you, Padfoot." His voice was hoarse and raspy and I felt just awful.

"No problem." 

"Ah! Mr. Lupin you're awake." Madame Pomfrey swept into the room with a breakfast tray. She knew just like I did that it would remain untouched, as would every meal until Remus was well enough to move his arms. Remus would not tolerate being fed; even to this day he doesn't allow it. 

"Good morning, Madame Pomfrey." He chatted with her for a bit and endured her diagnostic spells and potions until she was satisfied that he was fine and left to her office.

I chewed my lip in the silence and shifted back to my knees. 

"What's wrong, Sirius?" 

"I've done a stupid thing. A very stupid thing that I'm sorry for, so, so very sorry." I kept my eyes on my lap, unable to even look at Remus with out feeling the deep-rooted coil of guilt and shame in my belly. "I only wanted to scare him a bit, nothing drastic you know. I'm so sorry, and I know it's not enough, it wont ever be enough and you can hate me if you want to—I know I was wrong..."

"Why did you… do what ever it was that you did if you knew it was wrong?" It wasn’t in Remus' nature to see things in black in white or prejudge. He was always about the knowing motivation before the crime so that he could assess the situation. Never in my life had I been more thankful for that trait than I was at that moment. 

I felt the bridge of my nose, ears and cheeks turn red with embarrassment and shame. Admitting such a flaw rankled. When I was little I had always been praised and told that I was the perfect pureblood son. Even though I knew it wasn't true by then it was still utterly mortifying to admit my flaws. 

"Well?" Remus prompted.

"I was jealous… and angry and I didn’t want him to be your friend." It was childish, and it sounded even more so when I said it out loud. Remus didn’t care he just made that little half grunt sound that I knew meant 'go on'. I did squirming uncomfortably on my knees as if shifting would make Remus look somewhere else. "I wanted you all to myself. I've always had you for the most part. James and Pete and a some others are your friends but…. James has Evans, Peter has what ever the hell he does when we're not looking and every one else has some one else and you've always… I've always."

"Been mine?" He finished for me. 

I nodded and found it in myself to look up again. "I don’t want that to change… so I figured if I scared him off…"

"Who did you want to scare?"

"Snape…" It was barely even a whisper but I knew he heard it.

"I guess that means I will be applying that brush to your stubborn ass, then."

"If you still want anything to do with me after all this… I'll fetch the damn thing myself"

"You told him what I really am?"

"In a round about way. What I did… I—" 

Remus held up his hand in the universal sign for stop and shook his head. He didn’t want to know the details. "You did what ever it was, and you can't undo it. Don’t go into to detail, if it's something that really was unforgiveable then its best I not know. Just tell me is this going to get out?"

"He wont tell anyone, he can't. James made sure."

"I want to be sure you cant either, Sirius." Remus held his hand out to me palm up fingers out stretched, "I want your vow that you will not tell any one else about my lycanthropy in anyway unless it’s a life and death situation or my permission."

I was ashamed that it had come to this. Knowing that Remus didn’t trust me hurt worse. It was the very least of what I had deserved so I took a deep breath and laid my hand on top of Remus' own. "On my magic." 

I could feel the pulse of magic between us, the vow was there and strong. It wasn’t unbreakable, but it didn’t need to be. 

**Part 7**

"Go fetch your brush, Sirius." Remus said as he rose from his chair in the common room. Even though it felt like the bottom dropped right out of my stomach I stood and followed Remus. 

To the others in the common room it didn’t sound odd. Remus brushed and plaited my hair for me every night since that Sunday so long ago. Even when we fought and weren't speaking with one another Remus would sit in his usual chair with his feet apart and thighs spread and I would summon my brush and hair clip and settle myself in the space he had made for me.

The subtle change in the behavior was Remus telling me to fetch my brush. The words were deliberate and he always went upstairs after saying it loud enough for me and who ever else was around to hear. Of course I was mortified that he'd say something so damning and shameful for me in such a blunt and casual manner.

Enough people noticed our wordless exchange that it had long ago been noticed and accepted. It was common knowledge that Remus took care of my hair at night. If they had something to say about it I didn't care and I didn’t listen. But on the nights that I had upset, disappointed or annoyed Remus to the point where he wanted me to fetch my brush… well, then I was afraid every one would know just what happened when we got upstairs. 

Of course they never did know, but that didn't help my paranoia any.

I ducked into the common room after Remus and he closed the door, locking then warding it with his back turned towards me. I shifted from one foot to the next reluctant to go and get my brush.

The first time I had to go fetch my brush was two mornings after the incident with Snivillus. James and Peter had left for early morning appartation practice and Remus had called me to him and carried out his intended punishment. It was horrifyingly painful, embarrassing and left me feeling emotionally wrung out. 

This particular punishment would be the second one of my sixth year and I was not looking forward to it at all. I liked being pet, kissed, taken care of, and spoiled— Punishment of any kind was never pleasurable even though it is necessary for me. I always feel stagnant like I can't move on with out being forgiven and paying appropriate penance. Remus knew this and that was why I was going to be spanked for today's indiscretion. 

I took a deep breath and made my way to the bathroom where I kept my toiletries. With damp palms I reached up and snatched my hair bush and ivory bone clip from their places and brought them both back to Remus who was seated on my bed.

I handed Remus the clip first and he nodded and put it on the nightstand. I held on to the brush for a bit longer, studying it as it twirled between my fingers. It was a fairy large brush, made of solid oak and sanded smooth and round. The bristles were soft and were gentle on the curls of my hair. I rubbed my thumb along the handle of the brush, Remus' daily use of the brush had begun to shape it with an impression of his hand, and then passed the brush to him.

Once the brush had been handed over as proof that I had accepted my fate Remus began to talk. 

"Sirius, did I, or did I not tell you to leave the Slytherins alone?"

"You did," I muttered, my face flushing deep red as I tried to maintain eye contact. Though the wolf in Remus preferred my eyes lowered, the man that Remus was preferred for confessions to be held on even keel.

"I did, right." Remus nodded as if he was checking off something on a list. "And did I, or did I not tell you that hexing, cursing and jinxing the younger years was simply not acceptable?"

I looked down, unable to hold his gaze, "You did." It was a meek whisper that came from my lips, it always is when I've gotten myself into bother with Remus. Unlike others who I upset or disappoint, Remus never lectured— He asked questions that left you with enough rope to hang yourself. 

"Eyes up." 

My eyes met his placid gold ones and I nipped at my lower lip. I knew just where this was leading and I didn’t like it at all.

"I did. So if you would be so kind, please explain what you were doing hexing Regulus this afternoon."

"He deserved it." I crossed my arms over my chest— a defensive move I know now. "Besides he's my brother, I can hex him if I please—"

Remus let me talk myself into a corner for a few minutes, and when I stopped speaking he asked, "Did I ever tell you there were any exceptions to my rules?"

Well there was nothing to say to that. There was no honest defense I could offer, because Remus wasn’t the type to ask for or accept exceptions. When a professor says that 3 feet of parchment has to be handed in the day after a full Moon Remus had me rub liniment into his sore hands so he could write and would ask which ever one of us he had that class with to ferry the assignment to the professor.

In Remus' world there was no such thing as exceptions, and I knew it. 

"No."

"Alright then, come." 

I took the hand Remus held out to me and stepped closer. My part as an active participant was over. Remus undid the buttons of my trousers, pulled them down and lifted me with his supernatural strength. Remus positioned my body as if I were nothing more than a rag doll. He put one of my legs on either side of his left thigh and tucked my body under his left arm so that he could grip my waist firmly. 

The first smack of his hand was always a surprise. It stung more than I could ever remember and shoved my fist against my pursed lips preparing for more of the same. Remus didn’t disappoint, he kept a steady pace with no pattern as to where the swats fell all I knew was that smack after smack heated my rump until it was all one overly warm stinging thing. After there was an overall stinging heat Remus worked to intensify the sting slapping each spot three or four times before moving on. 

He stopped smacking at my arse for a moment and I panted and trembled, knowing exactly why he had stopped. I squeezed his thigh tightly between my legs, a silent plea for leniency I knew would not come. The cool wooden back of the brush was pressed against my heated skin and for just a moment the chill felt good. The next time I felt that brush there would be not good thing about it but I relished the moment anyway. 

Then before I knew it there was a loud crack through the room and a split second later I felt the ungodly sting of my hairbrush. It was enough to make me fist the blankets and my eyes fill with tears that made them glassy. There was no break from its assault I fell on my buttocks my thighs and the crease that was between, searing and torturing every inch of my skin that it touched.

I wriggled forward, back and rocked from side to side. I pushed my feet against the floor in an attempt to lever myself from Remus' grip but he wasn't having any of that. I remained in the vice of Remus' arm as he systematically tenderized my poor arse.

After a few more swats I couldn’t stand it and threw a hand back to guard what it could from the brush. Remus' hand uncurled from around my waist and he gripped my wrist tightly. I knew it wouldn’t work but I had to try, I balled my fist and pressed my face into the comforter of my bed, of course now was when the tears decided to fall.

"Open your hand," his tone was the same casual tone he'd been using all night and bit by bit I let my hand relax and open as he had demanded. When Remus smacked my tender palm and fingers sharply with his own hand I yowled loud, and unashamed. "That gets in my way again, Sirius, and you best believe I'll pay it some special attention once we are done here."

I balled my hand back into a fist and attempted to bring it back to my mouth but Remus had pinned it at the small of my back and there wasn't enough squirming in this world that could make him let go.

"Did you understand me, Sirius?"

I didn’t answer. I didn’t want Remus to know that I was seconds away from crying. That did me little good too. When there was no reply Remus smacked at my sore thighs with his heavy hand in the same spot over and over again building pain in one spot until it was beyond belief then moving to the next. 

It didn’t take long before I was shouting, "I understand! I understand Remus!" and kicking out desperately in the hopes that it would throw him off of his aim.

"I'm glad you do," Remus called to me over his shoulder and landed one last smack across my overly tender behind. 

I lay still for a minute or two my shoulders and chest heaving with the force of silent sobs and my eyes and nose leaking onto my comforter. I didn’t dare put my hand back to rub my sore behind; it was too tender to touch. 

Remus once again used his werewolf strength to lift me and move and position me where and how he wanted. This time I was placed on the floor kneeling with my back to Remus. Gingerly I lowered rump hissing as the carpet prickled my sore skin and my weight brought me more pain. 

Remus took up the brush once more and used it to sort out the mess my hair had become. I sat silently, with my head tipped forward and eyes lowered, shifting constantly in an attempt to find a less painful position.

"Sirius, you can't do these stupid things anymore. We've got just one year left after this one, you've got to make them count. Where will we be if the Aurors don’t take you on because of your behavior records?"

"I'll do better," I said, my voice was hoarse and low but I meant it. I was all the hope the two of us had. Uncle Alphard left me his home and some money when he died but that wouldn’t be enough to live on for the rest of our lives. Once my mother knew I wasn’t going to marry a pure blood witch I would be disowned and penniless. 

And Remus, poor brilliant, capable, diligent Remus would never have a steady job that paid more than a few knuts. Werewolves were looked down on in society; they were shunned, disenfranchised, discriminated against and pushed out of our society. No matter his potential Remus would never be given the opportunities he needed to advance and become independent.

But at the time, I had believed that I could and would always be there. I would be successful and I would take care of the both of us the best that I could.

I miss youth; I miss all the promise and infinite potential that I saw back then.


End file.
